Rejection: Why it hurts so badly?

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There are many uncertainties in the world, and many certainties.  The sky is blue, The Earth is round, and stars exist. Yet, one of the most certainties that we have in life is that there will be a time in our life that will be faced with rejection. Yes, Rejection is something that none of us wants to experience, yet will have to experience over the course of our own lives. Yet, what makes rejection so devastating to us. Firstly we have to analyze what rejection is.  Definition of rejection is to refuse to believe, accept, or consider. Now, read that one more time and see what is unique about the definition. Your refusal to believe that person can be a rejection. Your refusal to accept a person can be a rejection. And finally, Your refusal to consider that person is also a rejection. Therefore, there is no ambiguity that rejection is all-encompassing. When you don’t believe in a person, accept a person, or even consider that person, than that is the worst kind of rejection. It is a total isolation. That’s why it hurts so badly. Therefore, don’t let rejection be the cause of the sadness in your life.Embrace it, through the process of synthetic happiness. This will be discussed in the next post.

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Self-worthiness: How it has been polluted by the life we live in?

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One of the most defining attributes that any human being  desires is to be recognized. Even, Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of The United States, years before his presidency and the Civil War, only wanted to be recognized. This attribute that we have as a human race is seen from every level of society. Whether you are poor or rich, man or women, young or old, You only wish to be able to be recognized. People believe that being recognized adds to their own self-worth. Yet, we somehow attribute our own selves to our work. If our work fails, we are worthless, and if we are successful in our endeavors, we attribute ourselves as good. This is however, a very dangerous concept to have, especially if it is embedded into you in a very young age.

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One thing that has been told to me, and probably everyone reading is that Life is unfair. We might want something, but that dosent mean we are going to get what we want.  Which is why we should not attribute our self-worth to what happens to us in our lives. Life is very unpredictable, to the point where we will never know what will happen the next second. Therefore, if we base our self-worth on life, it is very fluctuating and unsteady.  There needs to be something more steady than that.

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Another thing that Self-worth is based on is friends. This too is very fluctuating, but we believe that friends will be there forever and that they will never leave our side. In attributing self-esteem with friends, we will then try to imitate them in every way possible.This leads to doing anything to fit in, which in known as peer pressure. Peer pressure is a very dangerous thing for anyone to be inflicted with, as it may make you do something that at an earlier time you wouldn’t have thought yourself capable of doing. This type of attribution is very flimsy. I am not saying that you shouldn’t make friends. There is a tremendous amount of good in having a close group of friends. However, don’t compromise your strong held values for the sake of your friends. If they are your friends, they will respect that you have an opinion and your friendship will only grow because of it.

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In addition, there are more sources of Self-worthiness that will cause problems for you such as Academic Performance, Family Support, Doing better than others and appearances. For more statistical information about this, read this study posted by the American Psychological Association about Self-worth:

For the study, Crocker surveyed more than 600 college freshmen three times during the year–before they left for college and at the end of the fall and spring semesters. Overall, students were found to have a high level of self-esteem. When students were asked about what they base their self-worth on, more than 80 percent said academic competence, 77 percent said their family’s support, 66 percent said doing better than others, and 65 percent–70 percent of which were women–said their appearance.

College students who based their self-worth on academic performance did not receive higher grades despite being highly motivated and studying more hours each week than students who did not rate academic performance as important to their self-esteem, Crocker found. Students who based their self-worth on academic outcomes also were more likely to report conflicts with professors and greater stress.

“They feel motivated to do well in academics, but having their self-worth on the line doesn’t help their performance,” Crocker says. She speculates that students who base their self-worth on academic performance might become anxious and distracted and threatened by feelings of failure, and, as such, their anxiety might then interfere with their memory.

In reading through this study, we see that there is a common theme with the answers of attributing self-worth; They are all external. They are all factors that we see, talk, or interact with each and everyday. Therefore,the answer that is for the question of what should our self-worthiness be attributed to is very simple. It is internal sources, mainly your own self.

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The only choice to base your life on, which will not cause you distress is to attribute your own self worth to your own self; Mainly, through morals and high standards. It is the only thing that is constant, and you have the full ability to control it. Therefore, Put your self-worth in yourself. Then, you will truly cleanse the filth that tainted your self-worth before. Only then, will you feel good about your own self because you are its primary motivation.

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Nelson Mandela: What made him so Inspiring?

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If you have already heard the news, then you must of heard the passing away of anti-apartheid icon Nelson Mandela. Reports say that he died in his sleep, peacefully. Ironically, his life wasn’t at all peaceful. Yet, he was always smiling, never letting life get in his way. We need more of that from us and people around us, yet that isn’t what made him such an inspiring figure. It takes an overall good character to be able to inspire a nation. Yet his character inspired not only a nation, but the entire world. Therefore, it is our duty in honoring him, that we examine what made his life so inspiring.

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Time: The most precious asset we have in our lives

It is one of the most saddest moments of display when a person is on his deathbed, recalling back on his life. Remembering all the bad things that he did, but also reminiscing about the good times, Yet, tears start rolling down his eyes when he thinks of what he could have been.  The places that he could have gone to, the dreams that he could have made into reality, and the opportunities he could have taken  The only thing that is going through his mind is  that I wish that I had more time. I wish I had more time for my wife, when there were times when she needed me the most. I wish I had spend more time with my parents, instead of trying to cut the bond between them. I wish that I spent time with my siblings, before oceans became the barriers between us. I wish I had spent more time with my friends, instead of shunning them away.I wish that I could spend more time with my kids, when they would ask me to play and I would say to them,” I am busy, let’s play another time”. Yet there wasn’t a next time, because I didn’t have the love to sacrifice some of my time for my kids. I wish I had more time. The man realizes on his deathbed that he has no time left, but he still feels the need to wish, because he believes that this is the only thing he can do right now, is to wish. This person can be anyone. It can be you or it can be me. The only thing that we need to do is to follow this man’s road is to waste our time. Yet, what should we do so that we don’t waste our time and utilize it to its maximum capacity.

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Invictus: A Poem that shakes even the Mountains

If you haven’t already heard of this inspirational poem than you need to at least read it once. It is one of the most powerful poems about standing against the waves of life. I believe that the reason why the words hits us deep is because of the author and the simpleness of the language. Penned by William Ernest Henley, who devised the verses for this poem when his feet was amputated because of tuberculosis. The Poem goes as follows:

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Beware the “Iago” in all of us: How to see evil in people and in ourselves

In Shakespeare’s Othello, There is a soldier by the name of Iago. Now, Iago works under his general Othello where his goal was to become lieutenant. After being passed over from the job, Iago swears revenge on Othello and vows to make his life miserable. What is truly remarkable about Iago is that at first we see he has a goal in mind, yet as we progress throughout the play, Iago’s reason for revenge became more vague and in the end he becomes a total psychopath. Yet, it was one thing that made Iago go over the edge and seek revenge, which was the passing over of the lieutenant job that he most desperately wanted. From there, it spirals downhill and he makes Othello’s life a living hell.

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Patience and Gratitude: The Two wings you need to fly safely through life

There will be many situations throughout life, some we will like and some that we will abhor. These situations usually cause you to either be happy, or sad. Usually when you are sad, you feel that life is truly unfair and pose the question: Why did this happen to me? As a person you feel desolate and you give up on yourself and life in general. On the opposite side of the spectrum, When you have a situation that makes you happy, there is some evil behaviors that you may derive from this. You may become arrogant in  the actions that you do because you feel blessed. In addition, you might forget people who don’t have what you have and that will therefore increase your degree of arrogance. You may eventually have a heart of stone due to your sense of, again, arrogance. Yet, there are two simple qualities that you need in order that you may be able to avoid these evil behavior. These two qualities are Patience and Gratitude. Let us first began with Patience.

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