There are many uncertainties in the world, and many certainties. The sky is blue, The Earth is round, and stars exist. Yet, one of the most certainties that we have in life is that there will be a time in our life that will be faced with rejection. Yes, Rejection is something that none of us wants to experience, yet will have to experience over the course of our own lives. Yet, what makes rejection so devastating to us. Firstly we have to analyze what rejection is. Definition of rejection is to refuse to believe, accept, or consider. Now, read that one more time and see what is unique about the definition. Your refusal to believe that person can be a rejection. Your refusal to accept a person can be a rejection. And finally, Your refusal to consider that person is also a rejection. Therefore, there is no ambiguity that rejection is all-encompassing. When you don’t believe in a person, accept a person, or even consider that person, than that is the worst kind of rejection. It is a total isolation. That’s why it hurts so badly. Therefore, don’t let rejection be the cause of the sadness in your life.Embrace it, through the process of synthetic happiness. This will be discussed in the next post.
One of the most defining attributes that any human being desires is to be recognized. Even, Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of The United States, years before his presidency and the Civil War, only wanted to be recognized. This attribute that we have as a human race is seen from every level of society. Whether you are poor or rich, man or women, young or old, You only wish to be able to be recognized. People believe that being recognized adds to their own self-worth. Yet, we somehow attribute our own selves to our work. If our work fails, we are worthless, and if we are successful in our endeavors, we attribute ourselves as good. This is however, a very dangerous concept to have, especially if it is embedded into you in a very young age.
One thing that has been told to me, and probably everyone reading is that Life is unfair. We might want something, but that dosent mean we are going to get what we want. Which is why we should not attribute our self-worth to what happens to us in our lives. Life is very unpredictable, to the point where we will never know what will happen the next second. Therefore, if we base our self-worth on life, it is very fluctuating and unsteady. There needs to be something more steady than that.
Another thing that Self-worth is based on is friends. This too is very fluctuating, but we believe that friends will be there forever and that they will never leave our side. In attributing self-esteem with friends, we will then try to imitate them in every way possible.This leads to doing anything to fit in, which in known as peer pressure. Peer pressure is a very dangerous thing for anyone to be inflicted with, as it may make you do something that at an earlier time you wouldn’t have thought yourself capable of doing. This type of attribution is very flimsy. I am not saying that you shouldn’t make friends. There is a tremendous amount of good in having a close group of friends. However, don’t compromise your strong held values for the sake of your friends. If they are your friends, they will respect that you have an opinion and your friendship will only grow because of it.
In addition, there are more sources of Self-worthiness that will cause problems for you such as Academic Performance, Family Support, Doing better than others and appearances. For more statistical information about this, read this study posted by the American Psychological Association about Self-worth:
For the study, Crocker surveyed more than 600 college freshmen three times during the year–before they left for college and at the end of the fall and spring semesters. Overall, students were found to have a high level of self-esteem. When students were asked about what they base their self-worth on, more than 80 percent said academic competence, 77 percent said their family’s support, 66 percent said doing better than others, and 65 percent–70 percent of which were women–said their appearance.
College students who based their self-worth on academic performance did not receive higher grades despite being highly motivated and studying more hours each week than students who did not rate academic performance as important to their self-esteem, Crocker found. Students who based their self-worth on academic outcomes also were more likely to report conflicts with professors and greater stress.
“They feel motivated to do well in academics, but having their self-worth on the line doesn’t help their performance,” Crocker says. She speculates that students who base their self-worth on academic performance might become anxious and distracted and threatened by feelings of failure, and, as such, their anxiety might then interfere with their memory.
In reading through this study, we see that there is a common theme with the answers of attributing self-worth; They are all external. They are all factors that we see, talk, or interact with each and everyday. Therefore,the answer that is for the question of what should our self-worthiness be attributed to is very simple. It is internal sources, mainly your own self.
The only choice to base your life on, which will not cause you distress is to attribute your own self worth to your own self; Mainly, through morals and high standards. It is the only thing that is constant, and you have the full ability to control it. Therefore, Put your self-worth in yourself. Then, you will truly cleanse the filth that tainted your self-worth before. Only then, will you feel good about your own self because you are its primary motivation.
It is a fact of Life that Life is hard. I am not going to sugar-coat it for you, Life is very hard. When I think of life, I remember the words of Rocky Balboa to his son:
I really like how Balboa here is telling his son that life is a boxing match. In a boxing match, It is all about your will to win and how much you can endure. If you want to win , you have to survive just a little bit longer than the other guy. We need to face life not with a weak or half-hearted will but with a will of stone. For you see, when a stone is thrown around, it still maintains it shape. When it is pounded second by second by the blades of a river, its edges are smoothed out. A rock endures through its tribulations, so why shouldn’t are wills be like a stone: determined, unwavering, and solid.