Rejection: Why it hurts so badly?

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There are many uncertainties in the world, and many certainties.  The sky is blue, The Earth is round, and stars exist. Yet, one of the most certainties that we have in life is that there will be a time in our life that will be faced with rejection. Yes, Rejection is something that none of us wants to experience, yet will have to experience over the course of our own lives. Yet, what makes rejection so devastating to us. Firstly we have to analyze what rejection is.  Definition of rejection is to refuse to believe, accept, or consider. Now, read that one more time and see what is unique about the definition. Your refusal to believe that person can be a rejection. Your refusal to accept a person can be a rejection. And finally, Your refusal to consider that person is also a rejection. Therefore, there is no ambiguity that rejection is all-encompassing. When you don’t believe in a person, accept a person, or even consider that person, than that is the worst kind of rejection. It is a total isolation. That’s why it hurts so badly. Therefore, don’t let rejection be the cause of the sadness in your life.Embrace it, through the process of synthetic happiness. This will be discussed in the next post.

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Self-worthiness: How it has been polluted by the life we live in?

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One of the most defining attributes that any human being  desires is to be recognized. Even, Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of The United States, years before his presidency and the Civil War, only wanted to be recognized. This attribute that we have as a human race is seen from every level of society. Whether you are poor or rich, man or women, young or old, You only wish to be able to be recognized. People believe that being recognized adds to their own self-worth. Yet, we somehow attribute our own selves to our work. If our work fails, we are worthless, and if we are successful in our endeavors, we attribute ourselves as good. This is however, a very dangerous concept to have, especially if it is embedded into you in a very young age.

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One thing that has been told to me, and probably everyone reading is that Life is unfair. We might want something, but that dosent mean we are going to get what we want.  Which is why we should not attribute our self-worth to what happens to us in our lives. Life is very unpredictable, to the point where we will never know what will happen the next second. Therefore, if we base our self-worth on life, it is very fluctuating and unsteady.  There needs to be something more steady than that.

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Another thing that Self-worth is based on is friends. This too is very fluctuating, but we believe that friends will be there forever and that they will never leave our side. In attributing self-esteem with friends, we will then try to imitate them in every way possible.This leads to doing anything to fit in, which in known as peer pressure. Peer pressure is a very dangerous thing for anyone to be inflicted with, as it may make you do something that at an earlier time you wouldn’t have thought yourself capable of doing. This type of attribution is very flimsy. I am not saying that you shouldn’t make friends. There is a tremendous amount of good in having a close group of friends. However, don’t compromise your strong held values for the sake of your friends. If they are your friends, they will respect that you have an opinion and your friendship will only grow because of it.

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In addition, there are more sources of Self-worthiness that will cause problems for you such as Academic Performance, Family Support, Doing better than others and appearances. For more statistical information about this, read this study posted by the American Psychological Association about Self-worth:

For the study, Crocker surveyed more than 600 college freshmen three times during the year–before they left for college and at the end of the fall and spring semesters. Overall, students were found to have a high level of self-esteem. When students were asked about what they base their self-worth on, more than 80 percent said academic competence, 77 percent said their family’s support, 66 percent said doing better than others, and 65 percent–70 percent of which were women–said their appearance.

College students who based their self-worth on academic performance did not receive higher grades despite being highly motivated and studying more hours each week than students who did not rate academic performance as important to their self-esteem, Crocker found. Students who based their self-worth on academic outcomes also were more likely to report conflicts with professors and greater stress.

“They feel motivated to do well in academics, but having their self-worth on the line doesn’t help their performance,” Crocker says. She speculates that students who base their self-worth on academic performance might become anxious and distracted and threatened by feelings of failure, and, as such, their anxiety might then interfere with their memory.

In reading through this study, we see that there is a common theme with the answers of attributing self-worth; They are all external. They are all factors that we see, talk, or interact with each and everyday. Therefore,the answer that is for the question of what should our self-worthiness be attributed to is very simple. It is internal sources, mainly your own self.

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The only choice to base your life on, which will not cause you distress is to attribute your own self worth to your own self; Mainly, through morals and high standards. It is the only thing that is constant, and you have the full ability to control it. Therefore, Put your self-worth in yourself. Then, you will truly cleanse the filth that tainted your self-worth before. Only then, will you feel good about your own self because you are its primary motivation.

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Loneliness: How it can be both good and bad?

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When people hear the word loneliness, their initial reaction to that Idea is one of sadness is remorse. Nobody wants to be lonely. Everyone desires another being in order to share their thoughts, love, and affection with. This is evident throughout the cycle of human development. As a child, we desire the love of our parents. As a Teenager, we want to share our thoughts with our friends. As an Adult, we show our affection to either our wife, but especially to our kids. Therefore, Loneliness is not something that is desirable to anyone, at any age. Therefore, we should delve into the cons of Loneliness before we do the pros.

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Loneliness is usually achieved if there is no one in your life that you have. This is what is called social isolation. You are alone, with nor relatives, friends, or acquaintances to do activities with. This is the second highest degree of loneliness out there. Probably the worst kind of loneliness is solitary confinement. The difference between them is that one you are forced to be put there, while the other deals with the situation around you becoming Lonely.  However, for less degrees of loneliness consists of six parts:

Interpersonal loneliness: This is the result of losing a significant, or intimate, relationship.

2. Social loneliness: This is where a person is on the fringes of a group, excluded from a group, or is actively rejected.

3. Cultural loneliness: This is where a person belongs to a different culture and feels that they don’t fit, or belong, in the new culture.

4. Intellectual loneliness: This is where a person feels intellectually, or educationally, out of synch with their peers, their family or their social group.

5. Psychological loneliness: This is where a person has experienced a trauma that separates them out from others around them. That is, it’s something other people can’t fully understand.

6. Existential or cosmic loneliness: This is an isolating loneliness experienced by a person who is facing death.

Those six points are what constitutes Loneliness,not including extreme isolation from people and society. Loneliness is not an issue to take lightly , as it is one of the factors that lead people to commit suicides . Such  a sad thing if you think about how the only reason that these people committed suicide was because they wanted to have a friend. Which brings me to the point on why the power of friendship is so great; It cures the loneliness that we have in ourselves by having someone we can talk to, and share our thoughts with. What we believe to be just a person we “hang out” with can be our closest confidante.  Yet, we need to look at the other side of the spectrum. Sometimes you need to have time to yourself.

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When we exert ourselves in things what that we do, varying from work, school, or at home, it takes a lot of energy out of us. Therefore, we need to spend time with a very vital person in our lives, our own selves.  We need to allocate time to ourselves or we will be burnt out. Therefore, there is a need for some alone time with ourselves. It helps us delve into our own selves and allows us to rejuvenate our selves for the day to come. Therefore, we need to allocate time to ourselves; It will do us good.

In conclusion, we need to allocate time for ourselves, yet not isolate our selves from the world to a point where we will be lonely every single day we are in that state. We need to balance our responsibilities, because they are numerous and each one requires that we are able to fulfill it. Finally, I hope that you never experience the pains that extreme loneliness inflicts. It is a bludgeoning pain.

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Invictus: A Poem that shakes even the Mountains

If you haven’t already heard of this inspirational poem than you need to at least read it once. It is one of the most powerful poems about standing against the waves of life. I believe that the reason why the words hits us deep is because of the author and the simpleness of the language. Penned by William Ernest Henley, who devised the verses for this poem when his feet was amputated because of tuberculosis. The Poem goes as follows:

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Patience and Gratitude: The Two wings you need to fly safely through life

There will be many situations throughout life, some we will like and some that we will abhor. These situations usually cause you to either be happy, or sad. Usually when you are sad, you feel that life is truly unfair and pose the question: Why did this happen to me? As a person you feel desolate and you give up on yourself and life in general. On the opposite side of the spectrum, When you have a situation that makes you happy, there is some evil behaviors that you may derive from this. You may become arrogant in  the actions that you do because you feel blessed. In addition, you might forget people who don’t have what you have and that will therefore increase your degree of arrogance. You may eventually have a heart of stone due to your sense of, again, arrogance. Yet, there are two simple qualities that you need in order that you may be able to avoid these evil behavior. These two qualities are Patience and Gratitude. Let us first began with Patience.

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Imagination and Creativity: How we lost it and How we can get it back

As a kid, we all have creative and imaginative memories. As Picasso once said, ” Everyone is born an artist”, yet what is the reason why we turn into adults that have lost all our sense of creativity and that our jobs  just require us to do a certain task, get your paycheck, and not say a word. A person usually in this environment is a person who is depressed and most likely hates his job. Remember we need to understand that we take after what we do, so that if you work/live in a gloomy place, then you will probably be gloomy yourself. Let’s stop for a moment and inquire. Why did this happen to us? Why have we lost our imagination. We first need to understand the science of creativity. The video below is a tedxtalk done by Jim Davies about the science of imagination.

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